Good conversations make us forget the time. Hours fly by like minutes, we are completely in the here and now, enjoying the moment and feeling connected to one another. A sense of calm and contentment spreads, we are happy.
Really listening to each other and communicating successfully is an art, an art that makes us happy and inspires. Through them we can build deep connections to others and experience ourselves.
But how does good communication succeed in an age in which people are increasingly reluctant to show themselves vulnerable and prefer to use indirect means of communication such as WhatsApp in order not to have to resolve conflicts directly face to face? Ghosting is also a phenomenon of our time, a society that has lost its tongue in the truest sense of the word.
recognize communication patterns
In order to communicate better, we must first become aware of what our communication patterns look like.
- How do we communicate?
- What are we communicating about?
- Which topics do we avoid and why? Would it do us good if we found the courage to address these issues?
Every act of communication is at the same time an act of translation . However, we do not always succeed in translating what is said as it was meant. The other person feels misunderstood and we feel attacked. Why? Because interpersonal communication is about much more than just conveying factual content. The four-ear model by the psychologist Schulz von Thun should certainly sound familiar to one or the other. Accordingly, there are four levels of communication:
Factual content : What is being discussed and how is this information to be understood?
Self-disclosure : What and how we say or understand something is at the same time a statement about ourselves, about who we are.
Relationship: How we talk to each other or how we react to certain statements depends on the relationship we have with each other and what we say a lot about our relationship at the same time.
Apell: What is to be achieved with what has been said?
Things can go wrong on all these levels, we misunderstand each other, feel unheard, unseen, our relationships suffer.
With our GooodNews we regularly provide you with tips and tricks for more mental well-being in your everyday life.
Learn to communicate better
Good conversations start with careful listening.
We all know those conversations where you keep interrupting each other or maybe only half listen while secretly waiting to have your say and tell your story. Many also tend to refrain from asking questions because they believe they already know the motivation of the other person and their motives.
Start asking more questions , this not only signals interest to the other person, it also helps prevent possible misunderstandings caused by false assumptions. It gives us the opportunity to see things from each other’s perspective, to understand them better and to be inspired.
Follow your curiosity in conversations instead of playing out habitual conversation patterns. Be curious about your own behavior as well.
For example, when we are easily offended or take many things too personally, we can ask ourselves what is really about the other person and what is really about ourselves? Has the other person unintentionally triggered old injuries or trauma that actually have nothing to do with him?
Approaching problems with curiosity instead of fear helps us bring about change and break out of destructive communication patterns.
2) Conversations in Persona – direct communication
Digital communication has opened many doors for us. Keeping in touch with others has never been easier, even across national borders. At the same time, WhatsApp, e-mails and the like have changed the way we communicate.
While we used to pick up the phone as a matter of course, today many people jump up in surprise when their smartphone suddenly rings. Indirect communication is increasingly preferred, but this is not always entirely unproblematic.
On the one hand, it tempts you to hide behind your phone or laptop and no longer resolve conflicts in person. Relationships are ended via text message and instead of telling the date that it just doesn’t fit, more and more people opt for the apparently more convenient option of ghosting and simply don’t answer at all.
We forget to deal with conflicts and instead prefer to hide in our supposedly safe comfort zone.
However, those who never address problems and prefer to avoid them instead do not make the problem go away. Whether at work or in personal relationships, progress and change require an examination of the situation. It is precisely the courage to deal with conflicts that allows us to grow. It demands a confrontation with ourselves, with our fears. We grow, we give the relationship a chance to grow and learn to communicate better.
Looking for a personal conversation is at the same time a form of mutual appreciation and respect . We make time for each other.
Personal communication avoids misunderstandings and provides more clarity. Because it doesn’t matter whether it’s e-mail, WhatsApp or Facebook, facial expressions, gestures, body language and voice pitches are lost everywhere. Possible queries may only be answered hours later or not at all. Consequence: We are insecure, stressed and our mental cinema is already painting the worst-case scenario on the wall, while we are tense, checking our messages every five minutes instead of picking up the phone.
3) Show yourself as you are
We all practice impression management, a concept from social psychology that states that we consciously or unconsciously try to control the impression that others have of us.
Sometimes we get so busy trying to control the way others see us that we hide who we really are as a result. Maybe we just say yes because we don’t want to be seen as unfriendly or rude. Maybe we hide our vulnerable side because we think nobody can like us for who we really are.
With all this hide-and-seek, we’re also hiding from real deep connections with others. So, paradoxically, our behavior prevents us from achieving what we actually long for.
In order to be honest with others, we must first learn to be honest with ourselves.
- Which topics do we shy away from and why?
- What side of ourselves do we find difficult to accept?
- What part of ourselves do we like to hide from others?
Only when we present ourselves to others as the person we are in conversations do real connections emerge in which we feel seen and accepted.
Don’t just read it, do it! 🙌🏽
Would you like to put what you have read into practice together with others? Are you looking for people for meaningful conversations and experiences that are good for you? Then you can now easily post and find GooodTalks and GooodExperiences on goood.life.
Positive effects of successful communication
Good communication makes us happier and happier, both professionally and privately.
For example, a study with a Baltic supermarket chain showed that more communication between managers and employees reduced the termination rate by up to 25%.
Researchers from the Stanford School of Medicine also found that when we spend time with other people, the hormone oxytocin is released. This in turn ensures that the happiness hormone serotonin is released. So instead of picking up your cell phone, next time just arrange a meeting together.
Anyone who communicates what he feels inside communicates more authentically. This means that the agreement between what we feel, think, say and show is as high as possible. So the dissonance between who we are and how we present ourselves to the outside world is very small or non-existent. We are more in tune with ourselves.
Changing ingrained communication patterns can be a challenge, if you’re looking for support on this journey we’ve put together a number of mental health platforms for you here. Among other things, they offer psychological advice and support via video calls or chat.
You will also find an overview of the psychotherapists in your region who offer video consultations .